I haven’t written on here in a long time. I’m not sure how often I’ll write, or if I’ll keep it up, but I feel drawn to writing in a personal capacity about odd thoughts and life of late.
It’s also a good time for reflection, as I’ve just finished the most enjoyable job I’ve had to date. I’m pretty stressed at the moment, worrying about how long it will take to get a job I enjoy again and consequently, the possibility of another period of unemployment and underemployment (which was my first year after my postgrad at Sheffield Uni, back in Belfast).
My short-term internship has brought me 7 months living in London, and as I don’t have another job to go to, I’m moving back to Sheffield as opposed to Fermanagh.
I have really enjoying living in such a huge and diverse city, and I would happily take up another job here. I’ll be pretty sad to leave. It’s odd as there are big negatives to this city – the high costs of rent, transport and socialising and the pollution for example. But I guess as it is so different to Fermanagh, that’s why I am thrilled by it. There are such multitudes to this city, I feel I have only begun to scrape the surface.
As I’m prone to quite regular panicked moods about my future at present, here’s some ways I’ve grown in the past 7 months/what London has given me and led me to.
- Getting to know more family – I have a huge family; my mum has 12 siblings and my dad has 10 I think. On my mum’s side, 4 settled in London. I have lived with two uncles (in the first few weeks of my job and now in the last) and got to know more so, a wide network of relatives.
- Reconnecting with many friends – I love that I’m one of about 9 million people here, that there are so many new and interesting people to meet. But I also love that this city is home to many friends, mainly from the most formative time of my life, Queen’s University Belfast.
- Learning to waste less money – this is an ongoing project, but the costs of London are so high that whilst I earn about £2000 more PA than in my previous job in Belfast, I am no better off. I’ve often been pretty poor, but I have got by. Additionally, I’ve kept up debt repayments and paid off my student overdraft and am about to pay off my latest Credit Union loan.
- Growing in faith – I spent many years as a lapsed, angry and searching person. I have found in the Unitarians (who I dabbled in via Belfast and Sheffield), an inclusive spiritual home where my agnostic theist, feminist and activist self can easily fit in with and grow. I have mainly been attending Lewisham Meeting House which is largely humanist and non-theist in atmosphere and am currently midway through a thought-provoking course ‘How to Be a Unitarian’ at Kensington Unitarians, where I’ve found more theist approaches but also a huge diversity in belief or lack of it. As Unitarians, we are not united in what we believe, but we are united in finding strength from community and in wanting to work for a more just and peaceful world. I have also begun to explore the Quakers, who share similarities with Unitarians but have a very different worship style, hierarchy and are much more active in peace work. I think about possibly studying for Unitarian ministry in 5-10 years, but for now I’m enjoying exploring spirituality within the wide net of the faith and following where it might lead (such as looking into the Quakers).
- Starting to look after myself more – This leads on from the last point. Part of why I had a half decade break from any serious engagement in faith, was the harm the conservative Christianity I grew up and used to follow has had on aspects of myself, and a rebellion against faith. But also, faith isn’t a cool thing, especially at uni. But I’ve stopped caring generally less what others think. People might think it’s stupid, but it makes my life more bearable in hard times and more joyful in the better ones. Alongside spiritual health, I’ve been focusing on physical. I’ve started running and cooking more (much work needed on my culinary skills) and it has been hard, when I’m as low income as I am, to live a healthier life. But I’ve begun to actively strive for it.
- Finding out what I want to do (at least for the next considerable while) – I have really enjoyed my job as a digital marketing intern for Superhighways, who help small to medium charities build digital skills and with ICT support across south London. I’ve learnt so much and it’s a great feeling, to go into work and know you are making positive impact on society. I know I want to continue working if not precisely in the third sector, in a communications role that has social impact.
I haven’t been able to make real roots, again, and I find lately, that is what I yearn for most. Ideally a permanent job, but at least a year’s contract, in which I feel I have purpose within. I want to be able to live in a place for a few years, to really get stuck into community, to settle somewhere, for a bit.
I left a permanent job in Belfast, a city that once made me feel so alive, but was mainly depressing me, and a position that made me regularly want to impulsively quit and which severely affected my mental wellbeing. I took a risk coming here. And I have no idea what the future holds- how long will it be to I get to that yearned for stability and fulfilment? Will I be back to service work and working to survive?
On Tuesday I move to Sheffield, where I had a tough first go at living there. But I went back for graduation in January, and settled that difficult past. The city has many positives to it – 60% green spaces, cheap rent and cost of living and that I have several close friends across Yorkshire and the north of England generally. I’m unsure if I’ll be back in the Steel City long but I’m looking forward to these aspects and living with a friend for the first time in three years.
My Musings 